when i'm w/ him i see memories i never even lived
i’m with him and time stops, everything stops, but i know the second i wake up from this dream he will be gone and i’ll just be longing for something that ended before it even really started. fantasizing what could have been if timing had worked more in our favor. i am with him and i simply want it to last forever, even though nothing is forever and everything and everyone is temporary, i guess i’m kinda just wishing this time, this boy, wasn’t.
when i’m with him
i start to see memories
memories that i never even lived
we are younger
naive smiles plastered on our faces
like bodies on beaches
on hot summer days
our hands are holding onto each other
white t shirts
stained green
from grass underneath our backs
we step quietly through old parks
trees hanging over head
and he kisses me
the kind of kiss
you can only dream about
the kind of kiss you want to hold onto
like strawberries in your pocket
lips lightly touching mine
while sun shines down on our cheeks
i’m with him
and i start to see memories
memories that i never even lived
but i wish that i had
i’m with him
and i start to see a future
a future that i haven’t lived yet
we dance the night away
into rain swept mornings
holding onto big sweaters
my legs draped across his lap
as he reads a book
about two kids
who’s timing looked distant
a clock just an hour behind
but happened to meet
one warm afternoon
an unexpected summer
where she fell in love
with his smile
with the way he pulled her closer
in the morning
when the sun flashed through the window
like an old camera taking pictures
of reunited lovers
kissing in the sand
or the way he made her laugh
even when she was angry
i’m with him
and i start to see a future
a future i haven't lived yet
but it’s all i ever wanted
i’m with him
and i don’t want it to end
i say i wish i met him sooner
that i got to hold his hand summer days
before this one
that i got to hear him sing
along to songs
we both knew
that i got to hear
that funny voice
he liked to make
when he pretended to be someone else
that i wasn’t caught
between wanting to love him
but having to let him go
i stand there
my hands searching for a place to land
i want to grab his
but tears are slipping onto the pavement
they rub against my skin
painting away the empty pain on my cheeks
so he doesn’t see
how much it hurts
how much i want to tell him
that i see oceans in his eyes
that when his cheeks turn red
and when he rolls over in the morning
holding onto me
i can’t imagine him ever letting go
i’m with him
because of an unplanned entrance
that turned into a heartbreaking goodbye
days spent wondering
wondering
why i had to lose him
when he walked away
with no plan to come back
that i was a mere rest stop
on a road trip out of town
an old red car driving
as far as it can
before stopping in an unknown city
with unknown faces
faces you wish were his
that i’ll have to fall asleep
under mountains of blankets
thinking about the time we danced all night
and woke up before the sun
i’m with him
and i don’t want it to end
but everything does
doesnt it?
rain will stop
waves won’t always be as daunting
people fall in
and out
of love as quickly as
a grey storm turns to a candy colored sun
how a thought can change
when your eyes lock onto something beautiful
just days before i met him
i had thought of love as a curse
as a painful trick
to try and avoid
to run as fast as you can
when your stomach did cartwheels
when you saw his face
and now
i think that life
isn’t real without it
i am with him
and i can’t help
but wish
it would never end
