it's darker than i want it 2 be

sometimes i think i over romanticize people. that i see them for more than they are. and i did that with you. i just wanted to love you but it’s too dark to even see your face anymore

i think about the day we met

it’s dark

and your hands

they are tracing my skin

touching my bones

raw like fire onto dried up leaves

that burn into a summer night   

i remember that first kiss

lips soft like cotton candy

and cloudy days

you waited

waited through hours of red wine tinted glasses

and whiskey flavored smiles

you waited for the moment

where we sat

on a sandy colored couch

all alone

you sitting right in front of me

faces inches apart

waiting for that first touch

the kind of touch that i’d never forget

but i wish i could

i didn’t know you then

it was brand new

but it felt like your hand somehow

fit perfectly on my cheek

and i knew

that your smile

turned cold

when you thought about your next monday

or the way you wanted to run

but felt like boulders

were wrapped around your bare ankles

it’s dark

and i think i know you

i think for a second

without waiting for the sun to wake us up

to take us back from our desire

that my heart is yours

that i will be spending my days

my nights

my hours

with you

and that you feel the same

it’s dark

and i see you standing there

under an umbrella

while my clothes begin to soak

there are tears dripping down my face

that you mistake for rain

but instead i am crying

crying out for help

wanting you to save me

but you can’t

you tell me what i want to hear

through naked bodies

on top of one another

through weekends spent

without care

numbing our faces

to feel alive

and never letting a night end

it’s dark

and i want you

i want to go back

to that first kiss

that you waited for

when i thought that you were mine

i want days with you

not just nights

where our clothes are off our bodies

i want the fights and anger

the pain and all the mistakes

i’ll be screaming

yelling at you

but at least you’d be there

not cities away

living a life

i’m not apart of

telling girls what you once told me

it’s dark

my legs fall onto the side of the bed

the one where you told me

that i was different

that the feeling in your chest

had never been felt before

it’s dark

and you are nowhere

more of a dream

yet a face i can’t forget

a voice i want to hear

before i fall asleep

but i never actually knew you

did i?

the words that you said

were written with ink that disappeared

the second you left

it’s dark

and i try to forget the day we met

forget the way your hands

traced my skin

touched my bones

begged for my lips

i want to wake up

to open my eyes

but forget you

the way i forget the dreams

that dance in my head

every night

when i turn out the lights

and all it is

is dark