his fault
and now all i want to do is forget your name…
and maybe it wasn’t his fault
maybe his wandering hands couldn’t stop
even if he wanted them to
the whiskey crept through his body
dancing around the tips of his fingers
and clawing
at my belt
the one my mother gave me
and maybe it wasn’t his fault
maybe the words that gushed out of my mouth
sounded like morning birds
beaming with bliss
and he didn’t hear
how scared my voice was
the way a small sound
could feel so large
when you are all alone
and maybe it wasn’t his fault
because most girls said yes
most girls loved his sad eyes
and swept brown hair
most girls revelled
when he said their names
but not me
and maybe that hurt him
to hear me plead
for him to let me leave
to let me go
to
stop
maybe it wasn’t his fault
his tightened hands
causing bruises on my arms
the tears that soaked my cheeks
every night after
when i tried to close my eyes
but only saw his ghostly smile
maybe it wasn’t his fault
maybe i was too willing
i was the one who walked up to him
i was the one that walked to his bed
i was the one
that
didn’t
move
maybe it wasn’t his fault
as the morning sun
shined bright on our naked bodies
he apologized
so lightly
i almost didn’t hear it
he said he wasn’t like that
that it wasn’t him
that a drunken venture
is nothing more than a mistake
a blunder
a miscalculation
an oversight if you will
the no’s could have sounded like a yes
i guess.
i wish-
i hate that word
wish.
i never made wishes on my birthday candles
even when i was a kid
but now all i do is wish
wish i never met him
wish his raspy voice didn’t echo in my ears
wish that his course hands never touched me
wish that a memory
could fade as fast as it took him
to see me as just another body
a conquest
to change my words into what he
wanted to hear
what he needed to hear
and maybe it wasn’t his fault
and maybe that's what he thinks
and wants me to think
but as i sit on the edge of my bed
trying to love someone else
scared of them even tracing my hands
like a child in a maze
i know
that it was
and will always be
his fault
