absence makes the heart grow fonder?

I am currently in a cafe in my new town, applying to jobs, while drinking a latte that was far too expensive for the amount of money that is dancing around my bank account. Across from me is a couple around my age. He’s tall, has that brown hair every guy has in the movies, and these big blue eyes. She’s around my height, with long blonde hair falling down her back, her eyes are brown and big, and she has the kind of smile you can’t seem to look away from. He got up to go and she pulled him back to stay. He looked at her before biting his lip and smiling a sweet smile and said “absence makes the heart grow fonder, I’ll be missing you” then let go of her small hand, and walked away. I kid you not, this all happened, as gross and cheesy, and eye roll inducing as it may sound. It got be thinking about that whole “absence makes the heart grow fonder?” thing. Well to put it lightly, I think it’s crap. Complete and utter, fake valentines day CRAP. The kind of romance ridden saying that makes you laugh instead of cry. I know I say that about a lot of things, but this one, this phrase, this rom com filled expression, I wholeheartedly hate. Here I am in a city I barely know, trying to figure out the ins and outs, trying to enjoy this beautiful new experience I have in front of me all while my heart is missing the boy with the blonde hair. That crush I talked about, or in other words,  my ~boyfriend~ (yuck) (wow just typing that out made me want to throw up my 15$ salad), the boy I love or whatever. I still plan to call him my crush though, because I do not plan to give credit where credit is due. But regardless, I am sitting here trying to focus on job applications, when this cute ass gross ass couple interrupted my focus. Their locked gazes and locked hands made me miss that stupid boy I call my crush. It feels like my stomach is in knots, the way my hair tends to be moments after I wake up. It’s not that I can’t live without him, that all my days are dreary, and nights even worse, I just wish he were here. His absence hurts more than making my “heart grow fonder”. I mean don’t get me wrong, that moment, when you see the person you have been missing, after not seeing them for weeks or months is extraordinary, but those moments in between, they force tears down my cheeks, and cold nights followed by colder mornings. I recently hadn’t seen this so called crush for a few months, and I remember the exact moment I saw him again. For me I handle these interactions with nothing less than embarrassment. I play it cool, I act like I didn’t miss them every second they were gone, I give them a small hug, a little shrug and maybe a kiss on the cheek. When really I want to run into their arms, wrap my legs around their body, and kiss them right on those perfect lips. But instead they get my half ass shrug. Inside though, that’s where the emotions really are. They are boiling up, like a teapot left a little too long on a stove, screaming louder and louder before I burst. I noticed his smile first, his whole face smiles along with it, and then those fucking eyes. He has these emerald eyes, with a little bit of honey right in the middle, and seeing them, seeing him, after days and nights of longing for his touch, it was all worth it. The distance, the nights wishing his body was next to mine, the mornings rolling over to a cold and empty bed, the days where moments were passing and he was miles away, was all worth it. But that being said, as much as the moment of seeing the one you miss after not seeing them is so pure, so special, almost indescribable, I’d rather not have to miss them at all.  I don’t want to miss my crush. I want to be able to wake up in his arms, to fall asleep next to him, to have drunken nights in this new city together, to eat cheap chinese food on the floor of my bedroom before he falls asleep laying on my legs. I want to share moments, good or bad, to place my head on his shoulder lightly as the day turns into star filled skies. If distance makes the heart grow fonder, why is my heart hurting? He is worth the missing, the sadness, the hurting heart, sure, but I wonder if people truly believe that stupid phrase, or if its a way to make something painful seem just a little bit better. I would much rather be with this person than say this phrase to make myself feel better. Not to be pessimistic, but missing someone you love hurts, plain and simple. But whatever it is, whether it’s true or not, all I know is my heart is simply and always, longing for the boy with the blonde hair.