delete his number and take a shot

So this post is one of the many posts I would like to call a millennial issue. I was complaining about this ~problem~ at work today and my boss looked me in the eyes and said it was the most “millennial” thing he heard all day, other than the girl who tried to buy avocado toast at the bodega in front of his train stop (??). I mean he is right, I am a stupid millennial, who has stupid issues, who likes avocado toast (sue me), and there are obviously bigger problems in life than my boy issues. I could go off on the issues currently going on in the world, like the way women's rights are slowly but surely being taken away from us, as well as the daily killings of unarmed black men that are barely reported (this hasn’t stopped because of this ban). But instead, this ~blog~ has always been about me venting. I won’t apologize for that or for being this millennial person. I mean granted I have at least 20 posts worth, if not more to discuss on our current political climate, but that’s not gonna be here (at least not today, or right now), I’d rather get out and do something or donate to some amazing organizations such as The Yellowhammer Fund, which is based in Al*b*ma (gross). The Yellowhammer Fund provides funding for abortions but also helps with other obstacles that patients may face (such as a place to stay, or means of travel.  There are so many other places as well if you want to donate or support, hit me up and I can tell ya. BUT ANYWAYS back to my millennial rant/stupid pointless issues, being that, I think, no, I know I am a ~weak bitch~. I mean most of the time, if someone pisses me off or does something that bothers me, I will say something about it. In the past, sure, I acted like some meek little coward who loved to just sit back and smile, and say nothing when all I really wanted to do was scream, and possibly hit someone across the face (I have slapped someone before ~for real~, and it was truly magical ). But of course my dumb heart gets in the way, and has a hard time completely cutting out negative people from my life. Not just loves, but also “ex” friends too. I mean maybe it’s because social media consumes every part of our brains, that makes it so hard to really do, or maybe, like I said before, I am just a weak bitch. I say this because, there are multiple people who have wronged me. Wronged me as in a boy I slept with literally once won’t give me the time of day, or pick up my drunk face time calls yet texts me short “okays” when I tell him something exciting, and it’s like excuse you? I mean okay that isn’t the most terrible thing someone can do, but clearly it hurts my heart, because as much as I pretend I am not, I am ~sensitive~. I mean we shared something, more than just sex; we ~hung out~ (HAHAH), so why can’t he have some human decency, and care about me, or at least give me some sort of attention, not some bullshit “okay” response. Then there is the boy who merely broke my heart this year, who has the audacity to post all over instagram with a giant smile on his face, happy and healthy, travelling with friends, and his life looking absolutely perfect. SO RUDE. It’s like can you at least pretend that you are hurting like me, pretend that when you think of me, your heart breaks just a tiny bit, and that a few tears trickle down your perfect glowing skin? No? Okay. Instead of deleting these people off of instagram (the sane thing to do/ sorry my title was misleading because I am not strong enough (yet) to do that), or snapchat, or their number, or really whatever social media platform that seems to occupy my time at the moment, I ~mute~ them. Now in real life, I barely see these people, thank goodness, because the whole in person interaction would obviously kill me way more than just a picture popping up on my phone, but to mute someone is rather freeing. I will mute their posts, and their stories, just so I don’t have to see them. I don’t know if this applies to everyone, but if I see someone’s posts, as in someone who I still very much have feelings for, it fucking hurts. I know it’s stupid, and that all of these social media platforms in the long run mean absolutely nothing, but as I sit there on my lunch break scrolling through one of them, and a post from that boy I used to sleep with pops up, it makes me sad. I hate the word sad, because it doesn’t even give an appropriate description of how I’m feeling pretty much ever. It makes me gloomy, like how the past week there has been maybe only a minute of sun, with the rest of my days covered in rain and clouds. It makes me melancholic, when I think of a time when I was standing next to the boy who had my heart, and now he is but a stranger whose life is simple pictures posted online. I guess this is a little dramatic to say this happens when I see a dumb picture, but I guess it’s not just that, its more or less knowing that in real life these people no longer exist. That at a time, even if it was a weekend, a month, or a year, they were a part of my life, and now the only form left of them is some stupid picture that pops up where they look as though me not being in their lives anymore didn’t even phase them. That me leaving had little to no impact on them at all, while them leaving mine clearly did. Even though that’s petty, like the whole “who will win the break up” bullshit, it still is real, it’s still a feeling I have. It may be ego, it may be I end up getting attached far easier than other people, but whatever it is, the feeling is there and it’s real. So my approach to slowly mending this is by first muting them on social media. Not deleting them, (yet), but muting them. I even go as far as changing their names in my phone to things like “mean boy do not text” or “this guy broke your heart if you call him you probs will cry”. Now I know this probably sounds ridiculous and tedious, when in reality I could just delete them the way they are ~deleted~ from my real life. But as I prefaced this post, I am admitting to being weak sometimes. I am not ready to completely get rid of them, and so this is my way of doing that, which will hopefully lead to me no longer caring and eventually editing them out of both social media life and real life. In the meantime though, as my heart still longs for like 7 people at a time, this is my solution. As I sit here, trying my best not to click on the profile of a boy who broke my heart,  I wonder if muting them and deleting them is enough? Why am I able to “delete” this guy in real life but not on social media. Why is this even important to me? I don’t have the answers obviously, but the second I click that mute button, or change a contact name, I not only laugh to myself, but I also know I am getting one step closer to getting over the person who may or may not have broken my heart and that feels damn ~good~.