i'll never forget the day we met

I’ve been thinking a lot about first encounters. The first time you see someone, you both look at each other awkwardly, in a way, even quietly. And then, when you look again, you try to look away before the other person notices your eyes on theirs. You smile and your cheeks turn a faint red, before biting your lip, and looking down at your nervous hands. I love these moments. The first time you meet, the first kiss, the first time they hold your hand.

It makes me think though, do you know after meeting someone for the first time, if you are going to love them or not? Do you know if this person is going to be an important part of your life? Is love at first sight just a made up unrealistic expectation from movies, or is it real? I of course am one to catch feelings very easily and very fast, and as much as I like to believe this whole love at first sight to be real, I have my doubts. Maybe I am suspicious because of all the failed “semi relationships” I have had and seen, or because as I sit here to write this I am thinking about all the people who have come and gone from my life who were once of utmost importance and who now I no longer talk to. When I first met them though, I thought wow this could be a person that I will love, this could be the person I spend the rest of my life with. I mean I doubt everyone thinks this way, I am definitely one to over romanticize a lot of things, but I always had that mind set. I would meet someone and if there was a connection, or a forming crush, I would always fantasize about a potential future. I mean it could be the future as in, the next weekend, or months, even years from now. But I have always been the kind of person to want more than just a small encounter that turns into nothing. When I start to doubt this cheesy romantic side of me, I think about Quinton. A boy I fell in love with way back before I knew anything (not that I know much more now). A boy I still very much love, and will probably always love regardless of who I end up with. Thinking about Quinton makes me think back to our first time meeting, and how I knew, just from that first bit of slowed eye contact, he would be important in my life.  

It was the first day of my freshman year of high school. I stepped in, sporting my lacy white keds, nervously looking at the crowds of taller students walking around the halls. I wasn’t just nervous, I was absolutely petrified, on the verge of pissing my pants, and running all the way home. As I walked towards my locker, which I only knew was mine from a torn sheet of paper I held in between my shaking hands, I kept seeing unfamiliar face after unfamiliar face. Everyone looked so old and tall, I felt like a small child in a sea of adults. I wanted to go back to my mom and watch cartoons all day, but I couldn’t seem to find the door again. All of a sudden I made a turn down the large hallway, saw both my locker, and some friends from good ol’ middle school, and was instantly relieved. I walked there, chatted it up with a few of them, who seemed as nervous as I had been. Behind a few of them though, was this boy I had never seen before. He had brown swishy hair, and this huge smile plastered on his face. He was wearing this blue long sleeve shirt that matched his eyes. I was staring at him for a little too long, before one of my friends decided to introduce him to the group. This ~friend~ decided to say everyone's name, then stopped and said “and this is Tessa, she sucks”. The boy in the blue shirt, said hi to us all, then shook my hand and said, “Hey Tessa, heard that you kinda suck huh?”. As he said this I grabbed his hand and immediately got those lame ass butterflies just flapping around my chest as I looked directly into those shockingly blue eyes. The nervousness weirdly just went away, I kid you not. I know this sounds stupid and cliche, but it did. All of a sudden I wasn’t scared anymore, for whatever reason (and my hopeless heart loves to believe it was because of Quinton). Before a real conversation could even take place though, the bell rang, and he disappeared into the crowd of people.

Now I don’t believe that every time you meet someone, where your stomach might drop, and the world slows down around you in the cliche movie manner, means that you are gonna love that person, or that it's love at first sight. I really don’t. I don’t actually truly believe that love at first sight even exists, maybe lust, but not love. Looking at someone for the first time, I don’t think I can truly love them. I tend to fall in love with features and characteristics of a person, not just the feeling I get when I look at them. That being said though, I truly truly believe that, when you first meet someone, that first encounter, where eyes are locked, and smiles appear, you know instantly, within that second, that this person is going to matter to you. Regardless of the amount of time, or if they are still in my life now, they mattered and maybe still do matter. Quinton, with the blue eyes and matching blue shirt, it wasn’t love at first sight with him, it took awhile for me to fall in love with him honestly, but I knew the second I saw him that he was going to be apart of my life. As I am getting ready to uplift my life and move miles and miles away from the people I love the most, I keep thinking about these first moments. Whether it be a platonic or not, that these first moments, that made me feel something, that made my stomach drop and my defiant smile form, are the moments I will always cherish and think about. I love these moments, these feelings, and I want to be more thankful for them when they happen, because as much as we want, they are both rare and very fleeting. I wonder if with the way we are now, as negative and afraid of commitment, can we still begin to even consider love at first sight, or I guess… significance/value at first sight (????this is stupid but IDCCCC) to be a reality?