i am breaking out

I’m breaking out like a damn teenager, yet I am an “adult”. It’s like ???? Why? Just why? I mean maybe it’s because I touch my face so often (I mean look at my instagram for examples), or my shitty sleep schedule, or the fact that the second it’s the weekend I get blackout drunk, or the juul/drugs/cigarettes, and my overall unhealthy lifestyle. Or maybe it’s some kind of karma for all the dumb bullshit I’ve done over the years. I’ve been thinking a lot of about regrets and apologies lately, and I could really say I don’t have that many regrets (besides being born George Clooneys daughter)... I mean I’d like to think that every decision I’ve made has helped me become the person I am, whether it being a bad or good decision. I used to regret some of the people I’ve loved and let into my life but I shouldn’t and don’t, because they have all taught me lessons. I now know what I don’t want out of a relationship or a person and to listen to red flags when they appear. My first real boyfriend was this douchey ~lax bro~ who thought the world of himself and cheated on me like he was brushing his teeth. I used to regret ever even saying hi to this person but now really I am thankful I experienced him. Now I know I am 110% not into boys like that (give me a boy who’s emotional, who paints his nails, has tattoos, skinny af, and totally comfortable w their sexuality, not needing to be overly masculine in fear of being called gay). I also learned that I don’t want to be with someone who treats me the way he did, someone who cheats, or makes me feel less than I actually am. I mean I’m human so of course I’ve done things that could be considered regrets, like eating that whole sleeve of oreos, or telling someone I loved them when I didn’t.... but I hope that these dumb things ~maybe sorta kinda~ made me into who I am today, and I hope that it’s good overall and I hope that whomever was affected by those things doesn’t completely hate me. We all make mistakes and fail, but by dwelling on these things and fixating on the past how will we ever grow? I think that’s a problem I’ve had, always overthinking past actions when in reality there is legitimately nothing I can do about them anymore. I have the present and eventually the future but not the past, and that’s okay. I have to keep moving forward and growing instead of regretting things I’ve done when I was just a bit more naive than I am now. Bottom line, if this adult acne is karma because of my childish immature past then fuck it I will rock the shit out of these zits and try not to regret all the ~stupid~ things I’ve done.